Meph Chronicles: A Doccubus tale
by malacoda
Summary: A short spin-off of Halfway (it's not a sequel, but it would be better to read that first) from Mephistopheles' POV. Some not related one-shots to have some fun ;) Complitely Doccubus, with some Evony/Tamsin in the past. Rated M just in case, for language and (maybe) some Doccubus fluff in some chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N: Hello everyone!** **Welcome back in this crazy -completely nonsense- Doccubus story, narrated by the most fascinating cat in the world: Meph!**

 **Since you liked this cat so much I decided to give him a main role (no, he's not pointing a gun on me right now, I swear- *whispers* call 911!) in a new little Doccubus tale.**

 **I just want to say now: this is not a sequel of 'Halfway' and the chapters won't be necessarily related. So I don't have a plot for this, only few funny ideas.**

 **AND if you have particular requests, or prompts, PLEASE tell me. This story is made to have fun, and since it won't have a plot, I can write all the chapters I want as long as I have new ideas.**

 **Oh, and tell me if I should continue it or not! Feedback is always appreciated!**

 **As always, thanks to my wonderful beta adrenalynn1986. Thank you for not making me sound like Super Mario when I write.**

 **So, let's begin with this madness.**

My wonderful paws will hurt like hell from all this writing, but it's worth it. The world must know.

My name is Mephistopheles, and I am the respectable guardian of this house. Most people dare to describe me as a fluffy, fatty, lazy cat. But don't trust those mere humans: I'm...differently slim. And my shiny, splendid red fur is so bushy that many people mistakenly think that I have a major body fat.

Nothing more wrong. Yeah, it's true, I might have problems licking my bum, but it has nothing to do with my prominent belly.

Anyway, let's stop talking about this right now.

I'm currently spread out on the kitchen counter of a huge colonial house, outside the city. Why on Earth did my humans chose this place, I will never understand.

There are gardens around this house...nature...I saw a cow! Cows are evil. And now this house is all adorned with flowers and fancy decorations I'm tempted to attack.

In the last two months my human Kenzi had been very busy organizing a huge celebration for the official union of my two other humans.

One is Bo, also known as 'The lady who taught me, that eating nachos with mustard while watching a movie on the couch is pure blissfulness'; and the other one is Lauren, also known as 'The lady who taught me, that eating nachos with mustard while watching a movie on the couch could give me a stroke.'.

They are so in love with each other...and I'm happy when my vassals are happy. That's why I'm here today. To bless their union with my presence. But before I can make my big entrance (where is my pug's parade!? Kenzi promised me one!) I need a snack.

Let's see...The space used for the wedding reception is full of tables and food. But there are weird-looking guards dressed up like penguins around. They might be the mythological creatures I once heard of from my former human Evony: waiters. Better stay away from them.

Oh...do I hear violins? It must be the time for my big entrance. Hold on your chairs with your sweaty hands, humans, I'm comin-

No. There must have been a mistake in the schedule. Apparently it's my humans' turn to walk the aisle.

I need a better view, but I need to be...sneaky. I'm going to walk through that hell made of white chairs and stinky feet and once I get to the first row I will get to see the whole show without interruptions.

Food can wait.

Thank god humans are mesmerized of the beauty of the two brides. I have to admit, that crawling between feet and metallic traps is quite difficult. Especially when that fluffy old lady decides to trample my tail.

Damn, lady! Do you know how much time I've spent combing it? I still can't feel my tongue!

Thank god I made it, and I can't express how much I love those well groomed hands that are lifting me up now.

It doesn't matter how this particular human is obsessed with her appearance; it doesn't matter how many people she almost killed because they stepped on her flawless and expensive dress, Evony will always take me in her arms for some quality cuddles.

As the brides slowly make their way to the wooden arch where my humans Kenzi, Tamsin and the weird-looking man Dyson are waiting, she gently caresses my head as she whispers: "What are you doing here, Belly Butter?"

Now, don't tell anyone, but I love this nickname. Evony is the only human who is allowed to call me like that, and I think I'm the only creature in the Universe that she actually addresses with a nickname that doesn't contain an insult.

I purr and sink deeper in her arms, as I turn my head in the direction of the brides.

They finally arrive at their destination, and even though the celebrant has not said anything yet, I can already see Kenzi's eyes shimmer with tears. But she is not the only one who is getting emotional, apparently.

Both Lauren's and Bo's parents are silently holding hands. A strong grip, that means more than a gentle gesture.

And I can feel Evony's heart hammering in her chest, but I know that if I turn, I could see her face all serious and emotionless, as always. This human is really good at wearing a mask.

My humans are so beautiful. I really have taste in choosing my servants.

As the celebrant starts the ceremony they look at each other with dreamy eyes. They really share a unique bond.

It's the moment of the vows! I hope that Bo took note of my meows when she wrote hers last night.

Oh, here she comes!

"Lauren, two years ago I couldn't have imagined that I would meet a person who could take care of my heart, such as you did for all this time. I may not be good with words, and Gods, this is hard," -I hear some laughs- "but I promise you here, in front of my friends and my family, that I will do my best, every day, to make you happy. Because seeing you sad would be a sin."

Bo's father applauds instinctively and soon all the guests follow him. My human's face is now red as...anything that could be red. I suck with metaphors.

As the crowd stops my other human Lauren becomes pale. Unlike Bo, who is more spontaneous, the human doctor had spent many nights with the blank paper in front of her, trying to find the right words. Ever the pragmatic and analytical, I saw her writing, crumpling up many paper sheets and throwing them in a corner. I know this because I was so attentive to make her feel my support with loud snores and other...noises.

She didn't always appreciate it, anyway. Apparently it's not okay to fart in the proximity of humans.

Look at her...she's so nervous! I hope Dyson will catch her, I have the impression that she might faint.

"Bo, I have spent many days thinking about this moment. How it could have been, what I could have said...And now that I'm here the only thing that my mind can process is, that this is better than anything I could ever have dreamed of when thinking about this day. You fulfill everything that I could ever imagine being with you would be like, and I love you so much that sometimes I fear to wake up and realize that this is just that: a fantastic, perfect dream."

Another applause. I hope that your hands won't hurt when it is my turn to receive a standing ovation.

The celebrant restores the silence and takes the rings from the hands of a little girl. Maybe a cousin of Bos'?

Betrayal!

I should have brought the rings! Kenzi had spent hours teaching me how to walk in balance with the rings attached to my neck by a collar.

But nooooo, of course Bo had to stop her, saying that it would be a rude thing and insinuating that I might eat them.

They preferred a noob human puppy for this work of great responsibility. Look at that little girl, so satisfied.

I will hunt you during the wedding feast.

But now I have to focus on the most important moment of the ceremony: the exchange of rings.

Thank God it's not too warm today. Bo's fingers use to swell embarrassingly with heat.

"I, Bo Dennis, take thee Lauren Lewis as my wife, and I promise to respect you, love you, take care of you and make you happy for the rest of my life."

Okay, now I'm sure that Lauren is going to faint. Hang in there, human!

Okay..after a long breathe her face seems to gain more color. She does the same with Bo, sliding the ring on her finger.

"I, Lauren Lewis take thee Bo Dennis as my wife and I promise to respect you, love you, take care of you and make you happy for the rest of my life."

The celebrant smiles and hands them some papers to sign. They sign with shaky hands and Kenzi, Dyson and Tamsin do the same seconds later.

Again, the celebrant speaks. "I legally pronounce you united in marriage!" He turns to Bo, smiling. "You may kiss the bride!"

I hear Kenzi scream as she incites Bo. "You go, girl! Rummage her mouth properly!"

Bo and Lauren ignore her and melt in a tender kiss, while the crowd stands up and applauds. I can hear Tamsin sobbing with joy, but I suspect, that she's just happy because the time to eat like starving hyenas is coming.

Evony caresses my head and gently puts me on the ground. Thank God she remembers that I have delicate paws and I need to land carefully. Not like her girlfriend, Tamsin, who used to throw me like a rugby ball anytime I get too close to her pizza.

I purr and announce my presence crawling between my just-married humans. They both laugh as they bow to caress me. They still have to learn how to curtsy properly in front of the high-born. But it's wedding day, so I'll disregard that faux pas- for now.

I see the little girl standing in a corner, looking at me. Maybe she's curious, maybe she is blinded by my greatness. Or maybe she's trying to learn from the master as I draw all the attention of those present.

What, little human, are you disappointed that nobody is looking at you and your fancy ring-cushion? Too bad you can't see which tiny phalanx of my paws I am holding up right now.

...

 **So? :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N: Hey people! Thank you for the very positive response to the first chapter. I really enjoy writing this story :)**

 **I hope you are having fun with it! Tell me what you think about it, in PMs, reviews or on my Twitter at chiara_dam**

 **Critics are always welcome :) In the next chapter: how will Meph react to the human puppy? ;) I accept requests for this story, so if want to 'see' a particular thing happen just write to me!**

 **...**

Oh, how original. They are making out again. On my couch.

My sanctuary.

The place where my mind expands beyond the limits of the imaginable.

Of course, I have to make my humans believe that I'm taking a nap. They wouldn't understand my brightness.

Just when Bo is on the verge to stick her tongue into Lauren's stomach (I swear I will never understand the need why my Bo human has to explore my other blonde's human cavities, and not only the oral ones) the good doctor withdraws and saves me from another two weeks of therapy.

I swear the first time I saw them copulating, I had to drown the following trauma in bowls of Kenzi's cereals.

Who knew that my human Bo was such a...mating animal.

Anyway, happy to see that the waters have calmed down, I decide to climb onto Bo's lap. No offense, human doctor, she has more...well, let's say that her generous bosom is perfect to lie my head on it. My poor neck needs to be supported by an ergonomic structure.

Don't look at me like this... you always lay your head on her boobage when you sleep.

They share a laugh as I rest my chin on my brunette human's chest and purr. They love me, I know. And I... respect them.

Everything is so perfect and comfortable that I almost decide to close my eyes and sleep, as the gentle hands of a certain blonde caress my head in a loving way.

And then it happens. I knew it would have happened at some point.

I hear Lauren's lips print a small kiss on my Bo and after a long content sigh, the blonde says: "Bo, how long have we been married now?"

Silly. You know that perfectly.

"More than a year now." Bo smiles, but it's not the usual smile she has.

There's something more...

More happy, more conscious, more...ready.

I can hear my human's heart kicking against her rib cage.

Damn it, human. Control it, I'm trying to rest here!

"Are we thinking about the same thing?" Bo asks, her voice trembling.

What? What are you two thinking about? Please tell me, that you think about wanting to order Chinese tonight. I'd really like to have those Dragon Clouds, although they tend to stick between my teeth.

I hear Lauren cry with joy and before my usually fast reflexes can suggest me to move,the blonde's body crashes against Bo's.

Oh, cool. Now I'm the middle, like the ham in a sandwich.

Dammit, peasants! Don't you have manners?

From my squashed position, I roll my eyes up and I see Bo placing a trail of kisses all over Lauren's face. Then she lifts me up and kisses me, too. Who would have known that my humans love Chinese food that much!

They keep crying silently. Why are you crying? Come on, I'll leave you some Dragon Clouds, you don't need to make a scene.

I see as my human Lauren cups her mate's face gently.

"Are you sure that we are ready?"

Bo nods. "Yes. We are ready."

Hell yeah, I'm ready, too, for that Chinese food!

…

Logbook: three months later.

Turns out that they weren't talking about Chinese food that night.

Words like 'adoption' and 'orphanage' had filled the air in the first month. I really hope for them that they are not getting a puppy. Dogs shouldn't be allowed in my reign, as they are generally drooling and stinky beings.

I shall not permit to my humans to take one of them in this house!

But now new words are popping out of their mouths. I heard Kenzi say to Tamsin that they had problems with the adoption.

Thank all the feline gods! No messy, noisy dogs!

But today is different. Today my furry ears had heard about 'artificial insemination' and 'clinics'.

What kind of creepy dog are they trying to get?

They seems so determined and full of energy...they had already bought a toy for this dog. The dog who has not rested his paws on my floor yet.

They didn't give me a toy when I first came here! Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous. Look at this stupid plush...what is this? An otter?

My humans took it home almost a month ago. They were all thrilled about this doctor's appointment Lauren went to.

When they came home my human Bo was all thrilled and kept repeating to her wife to lie down with her legs upwards, and Lauren would laugh at her silliness but would do it anyway. So to keep her company I did the same, thinking that maybe some yoga would help me with my back issues.

And that otter...uh! Bo, really? Did you really buy a plush otter for a dog you don't even have adopted yet?

In the last month after the doctor's appointment, both of my humans kept staring at that otter in a loving way. With dreamy eyes, wondering if HE would like it. HE!?

At least I hope you'll cut his balls off, just like -for a reason that I still have to figure out- you did to me.

Look at this toy. Small and shiny eyes, synthetic fur... ew. I just want to scratch it-

"Bo? Are you home?"

My human Lauren comes back just in time, stupid otter. I will kill you soon.

Now, why has my human puffy eyes? Did she cry? Did someone make you cry?

Just tell me who it is, I'm already in the mood for killing.

She takes me in her arms, silently, and sits on the couch. She takes the plush otter with us, too.

I glance at the files that she was carrying, and that are now laying on the small table.

'Pregnancy test results'? And judging by my human's tears they must be unpleasant.

Oh my dear, dear human...

I gently pose a paw on her leg as she sinks her face into her hands and starts sobbing.

When Bo comes home, just a minute later, I have the confirmation that something has gone wrong.

Ysabeau is supposed to be at work, but there she is and she sits near the human doctor, hugging her so tight that the poor skinny blonde could become a sheet of paper.

"Next time," Bo murmurs to her, "next time will be the right time."

"Bo, we can't afford another failure...It costs us a lot. Too much! What if it's me? What if..."

I see Bo cupping her face and kissing her nose. For the first time I can see what kind of bond they have. They are soulmates.

"We will try again. And everything will be fine. We're in this together."

Lauren kisses her and nods, and suddenly I don't hate that plush otter anymore.

…

Logbook, four months later.

Making some researches I have found out, that human puppies are usually less intrusive than dog ones. The lack of hair is definitely a point in favor. They are clean all the time, they sleep a lot...they don't chew on your ear like it was a rubber bone.

So...yes. Summarizing, I agree with this human puppy thing.

I shall bless my servants.

Bo and Lauren went to the clinic the other month. Probably to...impregnate her.

Nasty.

But since they can't adopt a human puppy and put on record that Bo can't get her pregnant, this 'insemination' thing seems to be the only way.

And this morning they returned in the clinic to see the results. They could have made a pregnancy test here, but noooo! They had to go there to 'verify'!

Why not letting this poor cat wait with agonizing endurance?

Oh, here they are! Oh, no. They look serious. Kenzi! Wake up! They're serious, why are they serious?

Kenzi is currently laying on the couch. She might be dead, since she hasn't moved from her position for the last two hours.

I could speak to my servants, but they don't understand my language!

Wake up, little drunk human!

When I bite her foot over the black surface of her boot I hear her body slowly coming back to life.

"If I feel another tooth on my boot, I swear Meph, I'll give you broccoli for the rest of your life!"

Are you threatening me? With that face? I'll forgive you this time, mere human. But holy Bastet, ask my humans how it went! Is my human doctor pregnant?

Kenzi stares at me for a second, then turns her head as she realizes that both Bo and Lauren are standing behind her, their faces pale and serious like I've never seen before.

This is not good at all.

Kenzi jumps on the spot, raising her hands in the air.

"So?"

Bo looks at Lauren, and the blonde human stares down at the document that she is holding tight.

"Come on, bitches! Don't make the poor Kenz wait! How did it go? The mother ship has landed? The loaf is in the oven?"

Lauren looks at her for a moment, trying to keep it serious. But she fails miserably as she shakes her hand and starts screaming, followed by Bo.

"The loaf is in the oven!"

They start screaming and jumpin and dancing. And I'm a little confused. Are they talking about bread or kids?

Now that I think about it, I'm hungry...


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: Hi people! Thank you for your last comments, I'm so proud of this fatty cat! I'm really glad about the positive response to this ff. My goal is to make people laugh, and I'm really happy to succeed! As always, comments are more than welcome. Enjoy!**

 **...**

Month three.

My human Lauren is all radiant and enthusiastic about her pregnancy. Since she has to consume healthy food, I will fulfill my duties and help my human with her new diet.

That means, I will sacrifice myself and eat all those snacks, chorizos, tacos and pizzas (that, by the way, I've never eaten before, I swear) for her.

Now that I think about it I've never seen the human doctor eat those things either...she's all fit and obsessed with health. Anyway, the humans are well known for their fickle desires. Better to not take this risk.

Bo, on the other hand, is already hysterical. Maybe I should recommend my therapist to her...

The day after the big news, she came home from work with tons of books and DVD's about pregnancy and babies, driving her mate crazy with her ever attentive manners.

Give her a break, peasant!

After a month, my human Bo kept on reading, bringing all sorts of toys home and showing Lauren pictures, but not normal ones. Although I cannot see them, Lauren's face was speaking for itself.

Sometimes, when my human doctor is busy preparing dinner, Bo would show up with a book in her hand and worried eyes. She would stare at Lauren, then the book, then at Lauren again.

And when my human doctor lost her temper and asked what was going on, Bo just showed her one of those pictures; and it ended up that my human blonde being too disgusted to continue to cook my meal. Their...their meal. Riiight...

Even now, Bo is fumbling with my television. You better let me watch Animal Planet in peace and feed me with popcorn, human.

"Lo, are you coming?"

My Lauren emerges from the kitchen with a beer for Bo, and a snack for me.

It's for me, right? No...just a yogurt. You can keep it, human.

I glance at the DVD to see whether my human fulfilled my recent request to see a masterpiece documentary about my kind: 'The Aristocats'.

But the label says otherwise: 'Katlin's birth'.

Oh, look. They are just about to watch a video about childbirth. Silly. I mean, is it really that hard to deliver a human puppy?

You spread your legs, curl your ugly toes (seriously, humans have horrible toes) and push a little bit. Voilà!

Now I'm going to sit on Bos' lap, looking at the screen and watching it closely, just to show them that there is nothing to fear about a woman who...

Oh my god what the hell is that!?

The video hasn't begun yet and I can already hear the devastating screams of that lady. I turn my head to the other side, not because I'm scared...Not at all. I'm just concerned about my humans.

Now, my human Lauren has just dropped the spoon in the yogurt and left it on the table. It wasn't the wisest of choices to eat while watching a woman shooting out a baby, uh?

While Lauren has enough dignity to maintain a straight face, Bo has thrown all the restrains away.

Her mouth is hanging open in a very disgusted look as her hands go to rest lightly on her cheeks. She's pale, but not as pale as Lauren. After all she's the one who will have to...dislodge the puppy.

My human doctor must have just understood the tiny differences between studying childbirth on books and be the one who does the nasty job, because when the video shows a little head, finding its way outside the...bunker, my blonde human closes her eyes and almost faints.

Oh, gross. All those fluids and... ew, blood.

Now I understand why human women tend to curse at their men.

I hear the door opens behind us and from the delicious smell of pizza, I bet it's Tamsin. My former human laughs at those screams and before she can even approach to the television I hear her say: "BoLo, it's already porn time? If you need someone to spice up things you can ask...OHMYGOD!"

She almost let my pizza fall on the floor. How dare you, burgher? Be gentle with my pepperoni pizza!

It will be for the better, if I jump on the table and keep it safe while Tamsin is too distracted to pay attention to this wonderful and extremely hot creation.

You smell so good; and I'm gonna love you, and hug you, for the rest of your short life.

"Damn it, girls, it's dinner time!" Tamsin says, indignantly.

My human Bo stands up abruptly and shakes her head.

"There's no way I'm ever going to do such thing."

At those words the doctor's head turns to look at her in a way that reminds me of 'The Exorcist'.

Damn Kenzi and her passion for horror movies.

"If you think I'm going to be the only one to do...that, you're wrong Ysabeau Dennis!"

She points her finger to Bo before returning her attention to the video.

"What if the baby can't make it through my body?" She turns to Bo, her face more pale than before if that's even possible.

"Bo?" she asks with a trembling voice.

"I don't know...you're the doctor..." Bo bit her lip, and I can see Tamsin roll her eyes.

"Good shot Bo, now I see why she married you."

I'm tempted to throw myself into the fray and bring some sort of clarity, but this pizza is not safe. It's better to stay here and keep it between my teeth, just in case.

"Lo, the baby will sprint out of you like a penguin on a soaped slide. And if he or she doesn't come out, we can still ask Evony to sing 'I will survive' near your belly until the baby will come out spontaneously to kill her."

Lauren sinks deeper in the cushions and pouts. "Don't make fun of me, I'm scared."

I see my human Bo biting her lip in amusement as she approaches her wife.

"You will be fine. You're my warrior."

Tamsin is still looking at the video, that now shows the mother smiling in between breathes as she slowly recovers.

"Geez, that baby did some damages down there..."

Lauren loses her smile and sinks her face in Bo's neck, whining. My brunette human shoots a killer look to Tamsin and quickly shuts off the TV.

"Don't you have a pizza to eat, Tam? Like, I don't know, to fill your mouth and shut the fuck up?"

Damn it, human. Betrayal!

Tamsin smiles and pats my human doctor's shoulder.

"You're right, let's eat that- MEPH!"

…

Month four.

In the last two weeks I was able to register a significant change in my human Lauren.

Let's begin by saying that she is considerably...rounded. This human puppy might be big and, oh boy, I don't know if I should be happy for Lauren.

Plus, I had to renounce her belly-cushion because apparently 'putting too much weight on her stomach is not healthy for the baby'.

Too much weight? Is this another way to insinuate that I might be fat?

Well, I guess you don't have to be so surprised then, Bo, when I piss on your boots.

As if the full Kamasutra revision of last night could not cause serious problems to the human puppy. Not to mention to the grunting, screaming and all that moaning... my poor, poor sanity.

I hope this human puppy will have furry ears like mine. At least to muffle those creepy sounds.

Speaking of reproduction techniques, I'm worried about my human Bo.

Lately Lauren got...how can I say...the heat?

Since _somebody_ had the brilliant idea to cut my balls off years ago, I can't say if this is normal or not. Every time my Ysabeau comes home from work, the human doctor literally jumps on her bones and demands sex.

I remember two hours ago, when Bo was having the audacity to joke about her mate's hormones. My poor eyes had to see Lauren grabbing her wife and slamming her on the couch. My couch!

I would have intervened to save Bo from that ravenous woman, but for the first time in my life I found the good doctor intimidating. I mean, she's tiny, fit. Little. She has puppy eyes and she's normally really kind and shy.

But that day? Oh, Bastet, I feared for my human Bo.

What if she killed her? I would no longer have someone who would clean the litter box!

When their creepy love process comes to end and Lauren goes into the bathroom in order to take a shower, I carefully approach the motionless form of my peasant Bo.

Is there a stick around? I need to check if she's alive. And since she looks so sweaty and covered with...ew, fluids, I refuse to touch her.

She's spread on (my) couch like a starfish. I can see her nudity and, oh boy, you humans are laughable.

Dammit. There are no sticks around...maybe that weird-looking object that looks like the thing I saw once on Lauren's nightstand, to which leather belts were tied-

Oh, no. NOT that thing.

My paws must sacrifice themselves. I will clean them up with her hair, later.

I barely touch her nose with my paw, but nothing. Did your mate drain you, woman?

Come on...Maybe if I pose my paw on your forehead...nothing.

Although I strongly oppose to physical violence, I find myself forced to slap her on the face.

"What the hell Meph!" she hisses.

I'm sorry, villager, I had to. You can thank me later.

…

Month nine

She is big. Nobody in this house is allowed to tell her though, but she is huge.

Since when Kenzi forced me to watch Jurassic Park, I'm able to predict when she is about to enter a room just observing the filled glasses of water that are left around the house. Each step of that woman reminds me of the t-rex scene. Totally.

This human puppy is giving her hard times. But although at first Lauren was the most scared one, now she is actually really calm and aware of what awaits her.

On the other hand Bo is going crazy. She sleeps dressed, with the bag ready in front of the door. Lauren tries to calm her down everyday, telling her that the baby won't come out in seconds. Thank Bastet, I add. Can you imagine the mess?

For the first time in months, my human doctor has convinced Bo to take a slow, relaxing bath. My other human was, obviously, unconvinced at first. Bo doesn't feel safe leaving Lauren alone, especially in these days when the birth is imminent.

It takes a make out session to convince her, and thank you Kenzi for having them interrupted.

As the human Bo disappears in the bathroom, I sit on a stool, waiting patiently for my meal.

Come on...come on! Human, how long does it take to pour that noodle soup?

"Meph, get off the stool." Lauren says gently.

I must comply her request. Never stress a huge pregnant woman.

I sit in front of my bowl and...What is that? Boiled chicken with broccoli?

Kenzi's hand reaches for my head and caresses it gently.

"You poor, fatty cat. Always on a diet."

Careful of what you say. I know where you hide your favorite boots.

As Lauren is temporarily focused on her belly I see Kenzi passing me some noodles secretly. She put them just on top the boiled chicken and winks at me.

"Do you really think that I'll let you starve? Fatty kitten's gotta eat!"

Thank you, my human ally. I will reward you with a dead lizard, some day.

"Oh-oh."

I turn my head in the doctor's direction as she says those words.

Her hand is resting on the belly and...ew, human! You still pee your pants? At this age?

Kenzi stops smiling when she sees her friend.

"Holy piss pants."

"Indeed." Lauren echoes, taking her purse and motioning to the bathroom.

"Call Bo."

I see Kenzi bits her lip and slowly makes her way towards the bathroom. She clears her throat and rests her forehead against the wooden door.

"Uh, BoBo?"

An exasperated voice comes from the inside.

"YES, Kenzi. I'm taking my bath, stop telling me to calm down! I'm relaxed, fully immersed and I'm not thinking about the birth. Geez, relax girls, do you really think that I'm such a control freak?"

"BoBo...Uh..."

"What!"

"Don't freak out, but Lauren's pipelines just gave up."

Silence. I'm on my way to meow and warn her to hurry up, when the door bursts open and a fully dressed and dried Bo tosses Kenzi on the side.

My human Lauren raises her hands to calm her, but before she can say anything her eyes goes to Bo's clothes.

"You weren't taking a bath..."

"Of course not! How am I supposed to take a bath when my woman is about to give birth!"

"Excuse me? Your woman?"

"BoLo, why don't you continue your loving chirping in another place? Like...the hospital? While you deliver this baby?"

They can't hear my meows as they continue to fight while preparing the bags, and soon I find myself alone in the apartment, unheard and sad.

How can you leave me without saying a word? I will never talk to you ag- Oooh, noodles!


End file.
